She walks around the house
pulling weeds from pots
picking things up and setting them down
muttering
drunk
on wine
on pills, whatever
the result is all the same
she begins statements
as though I had just asked her a question
this is because she cannot be quiet
she must pretend I asked her something
she tells me about the dog
or the neighbors dog
and excuses
constant excuses
for why she has done nothing that day
she'll say
"you know, today I just thought,
I was to sit down and rest for awhile,
and maybe read a bit"
as if this weren't the norm
if you didn't know her
you would think she'd just finished fifty years of hard labor
It makes me angry
the days she does this
although I don't see her as much
she hides in her room
her little dog waits for her at the foot of the door
when I see that I know she is really gone
she looks like shit when she appears
for those little moments
her hair looks smashed from laying around all day
her make up like a clown
this is a different person
my sober mother won't put a foot on the floor
without every shade
every line, perfect
she constantly talks of the "taxes"
she has to do the taxes
every day she mentions them
you would think she was an accountant
and paperwork
she has that too
but she doesn't have a job
she is confused by everything
every apparatus in the house
it's never working right
whatever it is
it's never her
when i fix it in two seconds
she stares perplexed
it's never that i fixed it
simply that it wasn't working right before
and now it is
where did that woman go
the one before
she looks similar, but she is gone
and now I must teach this new one
all the things she taught me
